I’m 14 and I’m sitting on the computer room floor. I’m uncomfortable and I’m nervous. Would they shut up. My sister sits in my lap, my hands are covering her ears. My youngest brother nuzzles my shoulder. Please, just stop. My parents are yelling again. My Dad is leaving. No wait, my Mom is leaving. Dear god, someone just leave. My other brother has taken off on his skate board somewhere. I need to get out.
Bipolar disorder. My Mom is just having an episode. Deal with this, fix her. My father’s bags are packed. No, make her leave! Please! Your father and I are separating. Take me with you. Don’t leave me here.
Everything was always out of control but we found peace and love in the chaos. She’s been in bed all day. Again. Take the kids to school, pick them up. Attempt to make chicken fingers. The little one is refusing to eat. Just please listen to me. I know I’m not your Mom.
I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.
Who are you? It’s Mr. Hyde. Back away slowly. Who are you? Breathe in, breathe out. Let’s go shopping. She’s back. Everything is as it should be and the sun rises.
I’m 22 and I’m standing in my bedroom. My partner is sitting on the edge of the bed. You don’t love me enough. I throw the ashtray. What day is it? Why isn’t he listening? Please respond. I throw a bottle of nail polish. Just fucking answer me! He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t get it. I lost our baby. I’m abusive and he takes it.
I’m leaving you. I need to run away. I can’t look at the pain in your face anymore. Love me harder. I’ve got to get out. We stand there, watching 8 years of love crumble away. But I love you. It’s not enough.
But I love you. Okay. It’s been months and he holds me like it’s only been a day. Please forgive me. Of course. Everything is as it should be and the sun rises.